Lots of my fantastically fabulous friends Tell the Truth every Tuesday no matter how much it freaks them out, so I thought I’d give it a try. Now, before I start, you should probably know just how allergic I am to the truth sometimes–here’s a little refresher.

Whew, now that we’ve got that out of the way… I’m going to tell the truth.

1. I hate people that talk to me in the coffee shop. I spend a lot of time writing, computing, and avoiding housework at the local coffee shop, so sometimes people think they’re my friend simply because we see each other a lot. Let me just say that is not at all the case. There’s a reason I’m wearing headphones–and it mostly has to do with my aversion to small talk about the weather. (YES–I agree, it IS raining. It’s also wet, did you notice?)
2. I don’t have a favorite kind of music. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE music–I’m just not sure which kind is my favorite. Sometimes I really like top 40 stuff, and other’s rock makes me smile. I’ve even been known to throwdown hoedown on some country every once in a while, but classical–no matter how much I’d like to pretend, I can never get into that stuff.
3. I’m not very good at being friends with people. (see #1) I mostly just want to do my own thing, and I hate when I have to do something I am not 100% excited about–so I have a tendency to duck out on plans. I suck for this.
4. Last night I had a dream about a French Fry. His name was Frenchy–which worries me, because if the most creative name my subconcious self with for a French Fry is Frenchy–well, then I might be screwed at this whole novelologist thing.
5. I am addicted to Frontierville. Seriously, no shame. I am so sorry Facebook friends.
6. Speaking of games, I can’t stop reading about the new World of Warcraft expansion, Cataclysm. That’s not good at all… Why is that game so freakin’ fun?
7. My mom was right when she told me not to cut all my hair off. I know that now, but I wish I’d just listened back in college. #hairdumb
8. One of my very best writing friends seems like she is quitting writing, and this stresses me out more than I care to admit. She’s the person who sat at the coffee shop next to me and kept me motivated. (She totally understood about the headphone thing, BTW.)
9. Ever since I mentioned the rain, I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to take out my headphones and make small talk with everyone at the coffee shop in its regard. How’s that for irony? Is that actual irony or just Alanis Morisette irony? I can never tell the difference. Thanks for that, Alanis.
10. In high school, I did a cover of Alanis Morisette’s Ironic, but it was for chemistry class so the name of the song was actually Ionic. “It’s like a ph of 2 when all you need is a base.”

I know how to write, and that’s a good skill to have.

But–I’ve always wished I could draw.

Sure, I can draw a flamingo, and I can write tempera paint a sign with the best of them. But, that’s really the extent of it.

The thing is, I am SO jealous of people have that talent. (For the record, I know they still have to practice, but I don’t think you can LEARN to draw if the base skill isn’t there.)

I have a friend who can draw–I mean REALLY draw. I watch her across the table when she’s doodling, and it’s fascinating to me the way she draws each part of a picture and brings it all together as a whole.

Today her wedding invitations came in the mail.

Yeah–she drew them herself.

Grr. I love/hate her SO much!

On Saturday night, I went tot he casino with girlfriends. Now–to be clear, we’re not talking flashy lights on the Vegas strip. Heck, we aren’t even talking old timey steamboats on the river of Shreveport.

When you first arrive, you pull up to a big fancy building. It has sparkling lights and stretches over a mile long.

Looks pretty cool, right? The thing about gambling is… it’s all in your perception.If you drive around to the back–you’ll discover a whole new angle.

Oh my freak. That was all just covering up a giant tent? Seriously, half the casino is housed in a tent, and the other half is made from pre-fab metal–but from the highway, you’d never know that. Heck, if you didn’t drive around back you’d never know it! On the inside, it’s shiny and sparkly, there are color changing fountains with greek statues and lavish crystal dragons hanging from the ceiling.

What lesson does this teach me? I’m not really sure–a slot machine is a slot machine, and I still had a blast…

But, seriously, what’s up with the tent?

In honor of yesterday’s no more negativity post, I’m going to talk about some of the things make me smile.

1. Yesterday I took the daughter in for her five year checkup. (Doc she’s absolutely perfect, FYI.) She had to pee in a cup, which meant me holding the cup under her while she did her business. While I was trying to get over the grossness, I learned that sometimes when she has trouble peeing, she tickles her belly button. Now, if you’ve never squatted in front of a toilet, holding a cup under your kid while she giggles from tickling her belly button–well, you just don’t know cute.
2. I am obsessed with the Flax Seed. No, not the actual stuff, it tastes kind of oily. I am obsessed with saying Flax. Say it five times fast. See? It feels funny.
3. My parents are coming home! They’ve been in Miami for the last couple of years, and I’ve missed them big time.
4. Me–Treadmill–2 Weeks straight. Oh. Hell. Yeah.
5. Back when I taught kindergarten, we used to have pajama day. (Just occasionally, as opposed to now–which is every day.) All the kids came in the cutest little jammies, except this one girl who borrowed a t-shirt from her dad:

When I called her mom to tell her it wasn’t exactly appropriate for school wear. She couldn’t understand why, because it’s not like the kids could read yet. Far be it from me to argue with that rock solid logic.

So, what’s something that makes you smile?

I read a lot of blogs. Writing blogs, mommy blogs, decorating blogs, cooking blogs, and even gaming blogs.

They all have something in common though, they’re interesting.

Why are they interesting?

Well, some of them tell me things I didn’t know before, some of them are funny, and some of them just put me in a better mood.

Do you see what kind of blog is missing from there? The negative ones.

Now, I am not talking about the witty, sarcastic blogs that take the everyday and give us a different, hilarious perspective on the normal. Those blogs rock.

I’m talking about the whining blogs. More often than not they’re some mom down on life, hating the stay-at-home gig, complaining about her kids, her husband, or her latest anti-depressant medication.

What the hell is up with these blogs? Why do they exist, and how on earth do they have an audience.

Look, I’m not saying I’ve never been in  a bad mood. Heck, I had a horrible week last week, and you didn’t see me taking it out here on my blog. (Now, I may have taken it out on a friend’s blog–but that was probably a mistake.) What I am saying is, why on earth would you want to air out your dirty laundry all over the internet for everyone to see? Why not keep that in a private journal you keep in the drawer of your night stand? (Or, if you prefer to type over hand write, then maybe a password protected blog.)

Those blogs never stay in my reader for long, and I almost never click through to comment.

How do they find an audience, and how do people write in them day in and out without letting all the sadness of the blog wear off on them? Aren’t those people worrying about losing their jobs are screwing up their families with blogs like that?

So, what I want to know is–how do those blogs exist?

First, let me just say that the word anal gives me the willies. I don’t like saying it at all, and I am a little worried that writing an entire blog post about this is going to warrant some unfriendly search traffic–but I just can’t stop myself.

I feel like when people talk about anal, they are actually talking about being anal retentive. But, In one of my psychology classes in college, we learned what it was to be anal expulsive.

Yeah, that’s right–I just said anal expulsive. I’ll give you a minute to really let that sink in.

Now, it isn’t at all what you think it means.

It all goes back to good ‘ol Freud. You see, the thing about Freud is that a lot of the stuff he said was dead on. We’re talking so freaking right that there was just no way he wasn’t a genius, but then other times-he was talking so much crazy that it pretty much makes anything he says laughable. So, one of the big parts of psych classes is listening to your professors pick apart Freud’s theories and telling you which ones they think are total bullshit and which ones are absolute truths.

So, what’s anal expulsive?

Well, Freud believed that a child who doesn’t take control of their sphincter at the anal stage will become fixated and end up with a anal-expulsive personality – which includes being disorganized, messy, careless, rebellious, and on rare occasions, cruel.

So basically, with the exception of the cruel part–Freud thinks all those free thinkers and artists out there can blame their carlessness on the fact that they couldn’t get it together back when they were potty training.

So, let’s just think about this for a second–does this mean that if I’d been more in control of my–um–butt at the age of 3, then maybe I would have been an accountant instead of a writer?

Man, I’m glad I had all that Mexican food…

When my husband and I got married, we did the responsible thing and registered for silverware.

I don’t remember where, I don’t remember the NAME of the set, and I don’t even remember how much we ended up with.

What I do know is that most of it’s gone missing…

Yeah… that’s what my silverware drawer looks like. I don’t know where all the little spoons and forks have gone, but I am guessing they’ve been sacrificed to the great takeout box in the sky.

So, I need to do something so that we stop sitting down in our formal dining room with plasticware, because that’s not only bad for the earth, but kind of trashy as well.

I’m kind of loving these. Maybe it’s time to break down and order a new silverware set, eh?

Does your silverware disappear? Where does this stuff go?

As most of you know, I’ve spent the last few weeks driving around in a Chevy Malibu sponsored by the North Texas Chevy Dealers.

heh, I am sponsored by the North Texas Chevy Dealers… that’s pretty cool, right?

The thing is, I wouldn’t normally pick a four door sedan type car to drive, I wouldn’t normally drive a red car, and I wouldn’t normally drive something so smooth.

But, I love it. It’s all super suave and makes me feel like a total grown-up. People compliment me on my cool car all the time and I just smile and say thank you.

You see, it’s cool playing the role of fancy Chevy Malibu car girl, and I love that it makes me be a different person for a month.

I have to give it back soon, and I will be Jeep girl again… but for now, let’s just pretend like that doesn’t have to happen.

So, when Chevy and the North Texas Chevy dealers asked me to take my family out to eat, I decided to go to the most magical place on earth…

The Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell

(now what am I going to do with the other 96 dollars they gave me)

Okay, so Chevrolet gave us a hundred bucks to spend on groceries so we could show you all the trunk space in the Malibu.

So, naturally, I spent it all on soda…

Then I made a stop motion video.

If you love me you will comment and tell everyone you know, because this took me like four days to make. Amateur film maker I am not.