Okay, blog-kateers, you may not know this, but I don’t really like talking about myself.

Well, that isn’t entirely true, I actually kind of love talking about myself when it’s like how *I* need to not eat that candy bar, or how *I* should probably start going to bed earlier–you know what I mean. I like to talk about all the things I should be doing in my life to make it more awesome.

So, when someone like, asks me to make a video bio of myself–I freeze.

What will I say? I can’t just complain about my nail color for an entire video…

Can I?

Okay, since that’s probably out, I need to come up with something awesome, something that represents me, and something that’s only two minutes long.

Crap.

So, if you had to make a two minute video all about you–where would you start? How would you make it fantastic?

Natalie Whipple is one of those super cool people in the writing world that I love to read about. She has a super cool blog, and amazing drawing skills to boot. She’s like nine different kinds of fabulous, and the other day she posted a video where people ran on water.

(I couldn’t find the actual video, but it was something like this)

Well, being the queen know-it-all that I am… I jumped right in her comments section and told her what was up:

Gah! Why did I do that? Why did I spoil the secret? Shouldn’t I just let them have the magic?

Poor Natalie was so sad after I posted it that she tweeted:

Yup, I did that. I made her all sad. And for what? So I could be right… geez.

Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about that this weekend, and so I decided to search the internet and prove her right!

So, Natalie… this one’s for you:

It’s a mixture of cornstarch and water–sometimes it’s a solid, and sometimes it’s a liquid.

Turns out people CAN walk on water, as long as they have all the right tools.

Surely we can find some sort of writing lesson in that, right?

So, I’m not really great with change. That isn’t to say that I don’t understand it or respect the fact that it has to happen in life.

I just don’t like when it does.

There were times that changed rocked my world in an amazing way. Like, when I met my husband or when I had my daughter, but that isn’t change so much as it is growth. Those are things that happen, at some point in time, to most people–so I feel like we’re hard wired to accept that sort of thing.

It’s the little changes that get me all worked up.

Like when someone’s at my table in the coffee shop or if they stop making my favorite jeans. I think it’s because I’ve just come to expect that those things will work out the way I need them to, and when they don’t– then I go all crazy town.

When we bought our new house and moved to Denton, I enrolled my daughter in a three day a week preschool. I decided to treat that time like I had a real job, and so I got up every day, went to the coffee shop and wrote. I had an actual schedule to keep, and I stuck to it. It’s been great for me, and for my writing. I actually get out of my pajamas, (if you’re a stay at home mom to little ones, you know what a feat this is) I write regularly, not only in my manuscript but on my blog, too,  and I felt like a real worker-type.

That all changes Friday.

That’s the last day of school, and I’m back to writing late nights and weekends whenever I can spare a free minute. I’m super excited about getting to spend the summer with my daughter, but I’m worried how I will do it all. I feel like I CAN do it, I am just scared I WON’T.

Ya know?

Reminder: Today is the last day to enter the PlayOn Contest for 50 dollars and a Lifetime PlayOn License. What the heck are you waiting for? Go do this!

So, I’m sick. Like either stuck in the bed because I’m sleeping 16 hours to try to get over the nastiness that is bronchitis/ear infection/sinus infection/swine flu, or I’m sitting on the couch watching TV because I just can’t lay in my bed anymore sick. Hopefully I’ll be all better soon, because I’m missing all the cool stuff. That’s the thing about cool stuff, it almost never happens unless you’re missing it, and then it’s the COOLEST stuff EVER, and you’re at home, coughing.

Screw you, coughing.

• This weekend was supposed to be an EPIC mother’s day. Okay, you know what–maybe it wasn’t going to be totally epic or anything, but it was going to be super cool–OKAY? Chevrolet invited me to the Texas Rangers baseball game, and there was a whole tent set up for mommy goodies and everything. But, I had to miss it because I couldn’t get out of bed.

Dammit.

• Tonight is my writer’s group. Even if it is getting way too big, and I wish it would shrink down some, I still love it there. I love how everyone in the room is all writer-y and they just get that you’re busting your ass in all your free time to become an actual published author or books.

But I barely feel good enough to make a sandwich. So, I will be missing that.

Dammit.

• Speaking of sandwiches. We have pretty much no food in this house right now. For breakfast, I made my daughter peanut butter graham crackers and put some raisins in there. Oh yeah, that totally happened. I would send my husband to the grocery store, but the last time I did that, he spent 400 bucks there and came home with things like WHOLE chickens.

Like I know what the hell to do with a WHOLE chicken. What do I look like? My Grandma?

Dammit.

• I finally, after three weeks, got my fence up and stained, and my deck is all finished, too. The contractors told us it would take three days, tops. What the hell? How can you misjudge a job by that much? I mean, I could believe it if they told us it would take a week and then it actually took two, but 3 days and 21 days is a huge difference, amirite?

My husband also decided in the middle of everything that one evening he needed to rebuild a rail for our deck. It looks like complete crap, but I can’t tell him that because he loves it, and it’s not like I can do anything about it NOW.

Dammit.

Okay, okay, I’m done being sick and grumpy. I promise that next blog post will only be happy thoughts. Deal?

Dammit.

I kind of like being grumpy.

Don’t forget that the contest to win an autographed copy of The Splendor Falls is still going on! If you haven’t left a comment to win, get over there and do that!

It’s that time. The time where I waste an entire day’s worth of blog posting to wrap up the month.

You know, though–it isn’t really  a waste for me because it kind of puts the last 30 or so days in perspective, and I usually get a sense of accomplishment when I see all the stuff I’ve done.

Yeah, my ego is that big.

The Writing

• I know that most of you are here because of the writing, we’ve met through various forms of internet crying over works in progress, query woes, etc. The other day I was listening to the radio and I heard someone talking about people who pretended to write novels but never really got it done. That’s when I realized something.

• I’ve written an entire book. The whole thing, start to finish, with a plot, characters, settings, and everything else a book needs. (I’ve actually written three, but you know what I mean.) So, that’s an accomplishment in and of itself. If you’ve written a whole book, you’re a badass.

• I haven’t made a huge deal out of it or anything, but I got a new agent this month. It’s the Fabulous Mary Kole. She’s with the Andrea Brown Literary Agency, and they’re like the Chuck Norris of kid’s publishing, so I’m way lucky to have her. We met at the DFW Writer’s conference earlier this month, and it was meant to be. Trust me when I say I knew about seven seconds in to meeting this girl that she and I would be working together in the publishing industry for a long time.

• For those of you wondering what happened with my old agent, she had to take a sabbatical from the agenting business for a whole to take care of a sick family member. I’ll miss her a ton, and hope she gets to come back to the wide world of publishing soon. I actually met her at the writer’s conference, too– and she helped me set up things with Mary the Magnificent.

• I’ve finished the beta read draft of a book, and I plan to send it out soon. I’m extremely lucky to have had so many people ask to read it. You guys rock my socks for that, and I am totally going to take you all up on that offer.

The Non Writing

• We got a new dog this month. Well, he’s not technically new–he’s my old dog from when I was in high school that has been living with my parents all these years. They travel a lot, so he lives with me now. That is, if he can stop peeing on my carpet. That’s just gross.

• We also got a new fence. I hate home construction. Even when it’s outside, it puts your whole life in a state of messy mcmessyness.

I’m fairly sure more stuff happened this last month, but I’ve already rambled on for too long, so let me just say that April was a huge month, and I’ve decided my May goal will be to blog every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday!

This weekend I was invited by Chevrolet to the Texas Motor Speedway for the races.

I live about ten minutes from the Speedway, but I’ve never been inside. I think my favorite part was the midway. Who knew they had their own mini fair?!?

My favorite part about the races is that everyone was giving away hats. You see, I love hats, even if I look like a goofball in them.

We were supposed to get to drive the drivers around the track. How cool would that have been? Unfortunately, we got rained out, and the races were canceled.

But, Chevrolet still took care of us. They fed us, gave us cool stuff, and just made sure we had a good time.

So, even though we got rained out and didn’t get to see any actual races… Chevrolet took care of us, and we had a blast!

I’m sort of pre-occupied with editing right now, so amazingly inspiring blog posts of awesome aren’t really coming to me this week. But, here are a few things I’ve been up to:

• Storysaurus was hard at work this weekend for Cheryl’s manuscript. I’m not going to lie though… I’m a little scared that her storysaurus is going to eat my storysaurus:

I’d love to see what you’ve done with him. Send pics or scans of you wearing the storysaurus shirt or using storysaurus to plot your novel to jamie@totallythebomb.com.

• I recently took some life lemons and made amazing lemonade. Only problem is I can’t share the refreshing goodness with you yet. It’s one of those things where, because I can’t talk about it–it’s the only thing on the planet I want to talk about. (No, I haven’t sold my book yet– When I do, I won’t be able to contain myself, I’m sure of it.)

• Sometimes I read a lot, and sometimes I write a lot. It just depends on where I am in my books. I am really impressed with people who force themselves to write for a specific amount of time each day and then stick with it. Some day I hope to be like that–but I doubt that day will ever come.

• Chevrolet invited me to the races at Texas Motor Speedway this weekend (super cool racing post coming at you soon), and I ran into a guy from high school who had a raging crush on me (Seriously, that’s what his note said that he passed me while I was working my job as a checker at the grocery store). I was totally freaked out, because he looked exactly the same, and I’m fairly sure I’ve aged in a most ungraceful way. I’m a little worried that he’s going to tell everyone back home about how I look like a frumpy ‘ol grandma or something. I don’t even think he lives ‘back home’ or anything, but in my mind he’s all over facebook right now making fun of me even though he was perfectly nice this weekend.

• My favorite local coffee shop started closing at 11 instead of midnight. I need to somehow launch a movement to get them more business. Any ideas?

Well, that’s all for this murky, yechy, rainy Monday.

What have you guys been up to?

As part of my goal to blog more this year, I decided to break it down month by month so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed with the idea of blogging every day of the year. So far, it’s been pretty successful–except that I haven’t actually made it an entire month with a blog post every week day yet.

And for March… Did I make it? Nope. No I did not. I missed the last day of the month. Yeah, I am not kidding here, I made it every single day up until the last, and then I couldn’t come up with something awesome… so I just didn’t blog.

Next time I’ll just post a funny video or something.

So, for the month of April–my goal still stands. I will blog every week day and throw in the occasional weekend post just to spice things up.

But enough about goals. Let’s talk about this past month. March is supposed to be one of those turning point months in the year. I believe it’s supposed to roar in and baah out, or something like that.

It mostly means we’re just standing out by our swimming pool wishing it would warm up enough for us to get in it. (FYI: Don’t attempt to jump in, because it will be the coldest experience of your life–I know this to be true.)

But, what does it mean writing wise? I finished my current novel and now I get to edit it. That’s the fun part.

I’ve got my first big writer’s conference coming up next weekend, and I get to meet my agent. I am super nervous, because I sometimes say dumb stuff in person, and she may decide that she doesn’t love me anymore.

I’ve done all sorts of reading, listening to speakers, etc. on how to act at a writing conference, but they were mostly all how not to pitch an agent in the restroom. There aren’t a lot of notes on how to act around your agent when you meet them for the first time. So, yeah–that stresses me out a bit.

Spring time means a lot of writing outside, and that makes me happy.

All in all, I didn’t have a whole lotta stuff going on in March, I got to be a part of Elana Johnson’s big author success story blogs, and that was beyond fun, but what I really want is for April to be a month of awesome.

So, let’s all cross our fingers and toes and hope for April to be the best damn month 2010′s ever seen?

K?

When I was a teenager I had the coolest best friend. We’ve since drifted apart, but she was seriously one of the neatest people I’ve ever met, and I’m the person I am today because of our friendship.*

I drove this Ford Bronco II that was adorable, but not exactly the greatest car on the planet or anything. I had to add oil like twice a week, it would overheat in the dead of summer and we’d have to drive around with the heater on… and let’s not even talk about the weird smell that came with that.

At one point we were out being all teenagery- and we decided to stop at Kmart but we didn’t really have anything we needed to buy. So, we picked up a can of SPAM. Look, neither of us was about to eat it or anything, and this was before SPAM = Viagra emails–we just thought the word was funny and we’d never actually seen the stuff.

But, we wimped out, and neither of us could open it. So we just put it up on the dashboard of my car. (In Texas, in 108 degree summer heat.)

I know what you’re thinking here. You’re thinking you know where this story is going, right?

The spam explodes and covers my car in a spray of Hormel’s pre-cooked finest.

Right?

Wrong.

That can never even so much as bulged. I kept it in my car for three years, and every time it slid across the dahsboard, everyone in my car yelled out in their most dramatic voice, “Oh no, Not the Spaaaaam!”

We always thought that can would come open, but it never did.

I wonder if my mom kept it. I think it’s probably in a plastic tub somewhere in their store room. Man, she’s going to kill me if it gets all over everything…

Now, it’s your turn–tell me something about your first car… or your best friend from high school…

*I should really look her up on facebook or something, huh? Oh, I wonder if she tweets…

**This is a repost from a year or so ago. My daughter is having some dental work today, please think good thoughts for her!**

I’ve been getting really into facebook lately, and I recently friended someone from high school that was on the drumline with me.

That’s right, I was a bona-fide band geek.

I lived for marching season, and it was straight up the most fun ever. Plus, I was pretty cute in that little green bucket hat.

Okay, now that we all know I was a complete dork. Let me tell you about my Saved By the Bell Bell Moment…

We had this drumline instructor that thought he was one cool cat. He had the long hair, he was always carrying drumsticks around in his back pocket. He’d played drums at a cool college, and now taught drums for Azle’s marching band. At the time, I didn’t realize that was probably NOT what he’d had in mind when he embarked on a career in music, and I thought he was just a hard ass. More realistically, he was probably just pissed his band never took off, and he was stuck doing the one thing he’d feared most–teaching high school band.

One rainy August morning, during band two-a-days (That’s right uber jocks, you weren’t the only ones beat down with two-a-days. We spent the first month before school started out in the blazing heat as well. I actually did it with a freaking bass drum strapped to me, so I don’t want to hear about your stupid pads and how hot they were. It sometimes got so hot in the sun that the metal actually burned me. Okay?) he had us bring our drums inside to practice, and we set up on the stage in the auditorium. He let us put our drums on stands, and that made for a pretty easy day as far as band practice was concerned.

We’d spent most of the morning goofing around and getting in trouble for it, because hey… this was band practice in the middle of our summer vacation, and that’s the sort of thing we did. Apparently we weren’t staying on tempo at all, and since that was basically our only job as a drumline, (okay there were other jobs, but you get the point.) he got the metronome. When we STILL weren’t staying on tempo… he went and got this ridiculous loud speaker and hooked it up to the metronome. It was mind piercingly annoying, and basically just a stupid form of torture, because he was so pissed about his less than rock star life.*

Anyway, after we finished our Taco Bell, and were hanging out on the stage waiting for him to get back from lunch, a few of us (read seniors and a couple of the cooler underclassmen) decided to hide the metronome and super loud speaker thing.

When Mr. Rock-Star-Wanna-Be-But-Never-Made-It came back and discovered his metronome was gone, his reaction was quite simply–priceless.

When I look back on this story. I can actually see the steam shooting out his ears.

He yelled for a while that we better give the stuff, and when we didn’t– he did what any pissed off teacher would do. He decided to torture it out of us. He made us put on our drums and forced us to play until we told him. Well, no one was saying a word. The rest of the drumline had watched us hide it, but they kept their mouth shut. Hiearchy was alive and well in the band hall, and they knew better than to piss us off.

After a good fifteen or so minutes of jamming away while the steam shot out of his ears he yelled for us to stop playing. He then informed us that he was going on a smoke break and when he returned, the metronome better be sitting back in its place.

We totally put the metronome back in its place. He was pissed, and we didn’t really want to see just how far he would go.

Well, that wasn’t good enough for him. He came back, yelled some more, and told us he wanted to know exactly WHO stole his precious metronome. What an ass. He’d promised to be cool if he got his metronome back, but apparently he’d lied.

So he made us put our drums back on and we started up again with his excruciating torture. What he didn’t realize was we were damming the man, and those drums had never felt lighter. He left the room again, this time with instructions that, when he came back, he’d be asking the perp to step up and admit to their actions, or his torture would continue.

Those of us that had actually hid the metronome convinced the rest of the drumline to go along with us, and we’d decided that we would all admit to stealing the metronome. I mean, he couldn’t kick us all off the line, right? It’s not like we were the flute section,** they needed us…

So, we scared the freshmen into siding with us decided as a group that when he asked for the metronome stealer to come forward, we’d all do it.

He came back in the room, still spitting mad, and asked one more time. “Who took the metronome?“

And we started raising our hands. One by one, the entire drumline raised their hands, confessing to our crime. I don’t know if it was the fact that the five or so of us that had actually stolen the metronome weren’t going to have to call our parents or the fact that we stood strong against an asshole teacher, but it was awesome.

He laughed, smiled, and shook his head. We were off the hook. Which was good, because Mr. Belding  surely would have given us some sort of hilariously inappropriate punishment along with months and months of after school detention. But, if Zach Morris happened to be waiting outside the principal’s office, it might have been worth it.

*Sorry, there buddy. When you chose this life, you knew there was only like a .02% chance you’d actually turn out to be a rock star. So get over it.

**Look, flutes are awesome, but they aren’t really a marching band instrument, ya know?