We interrupt this blog where I discuss wonderful important things like writing, the color of my hair, and you know–things that really matter, to bring you an important service announcement:

Last Night’s Vampire Diaries so was so freakin’ hot that it brings hot vampaliciousness to a whole new level of WOW.

Wait, are you pretending that you don’t love vampires?

Don’t even give me that crap! I read my search engine statistics, and I know that the most hit pages on my blog always have to do with vampires! You know what, though? I’m cool with that, because I love me some vampires.

But, that’s all sort of beside the point. The point here is that The Vampire Diaries is a great show that I didn’t totally get into at first. Let me just say that I was wrong wrong wrong. This show is like nineteen different kinds of awesome.

If you haven’t watched The Vampire Diaries yet, or aren’t caught  up with the episodes, then stop reading this right now, because I am about to throw down on some spoilers. You’ve been warned.

Of Course I made you an informative graphic. It would be evil not to, don't you think?

Last night’s season finale ended so freakin’ cool like that I had to watch it six times just to be sure I got what was going on.

Okay first, Katherine’s back! Dammit! When Damon and Elena finally kissed out on the porch I was like, “Hell yeah! Take that Stefan you stuff old pretentious know-it-all!” Then, when I saw Katherine CUT OFF that Uncle dude’s hand– WHOA! That was all kinds of awesome, right?

But, then I realized that Elena and Damon didn’t finally kiss, and I was sad all over again. But, I did TOTALLY have to go back and watch Elena’s aunt accidentally invite Katherine in… HAWT!

Then, we have Jeremy!

So, I kind of feel like there’s no possible way he’s going vamp on us, or they would have had his “death” be way more dramatic and quick. I think instead, someone will find him, and he’ll be all DAMMIT I wasted Anna’s blood. OH yeah, Anna! What the heck happened there? Why do they always kill off Jeremy’s happiness. Ugh, I don’t like that at all. Not one bit.

So, it ended with Elena going in to check on Katherine. I wonder how that’s going to turn out?!?

Have you guys been reading the books? Do they follow along with the CW story lines at all? I’ve been thinking I should pick one up and check it out…

When I watch a movie or read a book, I want it to have a beginning, a middle, and an end. I hate when stories start in one place and then circle around to pretty much the same place and none of the characters have really learned anything.

I’ve been noticing that trend a lot lately in movies, but not so much in books–but I think that’s just because I don’t read the right kinds of books.

Sure, melancholy is cute, but I think it’s a little gimmicky. No one really grows as a person, problems still exist at the end of the story, and not in a nice “we can totally deal with this now that we’ve been given the tools provided by the story” way, and it’s just not emotionally satisfying for me. I feel like I’ve wasted my time on the whole thing.

So, here’s me taking a stand once and for all against the melancholy-ness of the world!

Write an ending for crying out loud, I don’t care if it’s a sad one… just finish the story!

Let me just say that Snow White is one of my all time favorite movies. It holds serious sentimental value for me, because it was the first movie I ever saw in the theater, and it was a special outing with my mom I’ll never forget.

So, yesterday when Snow White was on the Disney channel. My daughter jumped and down a bit, extra excited to watch with me, and we snuggled up on the couch to enjoy a classic.

Then, the writer in me started analyzing the characters.

Uh Oh. That almost never ends well.

Okay, let’s start with Snow White herself. She’s pretty enough, and it’s nice to see a dark haired princess in the face of blondes everywhere. But, HOLY MOLY, is she dumb. She wanders around in the forest in her poofy sleeved dress giggling with the animals, and then somehow makes the amazing decision to go inside an empty cabin miles and miles away from everything with no one to hear her scream.

Then, when we think she can’t be any crazier… she decides the people living there MUST be children because they seem to be quite tiny–and instead of like getting help or whatever, she then proceeds to CLEAN THEIR HOUSE and make some dinner.

Yeah, because that’s what I’d do.

Then there are the dwarfs. What are they? Frat boys? Just a bunch of manly men hanging out in a shiny jewel mine all day long, and then they head back to their dirty house while singing a little ditty. Good thing Snow White was hot, or they might have kicked her out right there and then.

We can’t forget about the hero of the day, Prince Charming. Nothing like a man in tights to show up at the last minute and save the day.

But, there is a saving grace to this movie–The Queen. Her magic mirror tells her there’s someone prettier, and she isn’t having any of that. So, she does something about it. I kind of respect her for that, I mean–not the plans to kill Snow and put her heart in a box (Don’t even get me started on that inappropriate for child event) but, you know–the wanting something and going for it.

Disney doesn’t always get it wrong though, here are a couple of heroines I can get behind…

And of course, the girl who saves Hercules…

Today I want to know, What shows are totally ruined for you because you’re a writer?

Did you read the title to this blog? If not, go back and do so. I’ll give you a second.

Finished?

Good, now let’s get started.

Doesn’t that sound like the makings of an excellent novel? There’s the love interest the conflict of the racial prejudice, and of course magic. Who doesn’t to read that story?

What if I were to tell you that it wasn’t a novel, but in fact a television show. You’d buy that, right?

Sure you would. TV shows usually have a good plot to keep us interested.

But… let’s just say that television show is for children.

Children, you say? Now you’re curious, right?

Yeah, for serious. I’m talking about Handy Manny.

This is a kid’s cartoon that comes on in the mornings on the Disney Channel Manny is a Latin (Is that the PC way to say it?) Handy Man that helps the people of his little town fix their broken stuff.

He’s totally in love with Kelly, the hardware store owner. Seriously, I bet if I looked hard enough I bet I could find some awesome fanfic of them finally going on their first date.

Kelly’s the hot white girl that owns the hardware shop. She’s babe-alicious, always has her crap together, and keeps her store open late for all Manny’s er-hardware needs.

Just Tell her Manny! You can do it!

And then there’s Mr. Lopart. He’s the dumb guy that thinks he can fix all his stuff without Manny’s help, but inevitably screws it up and has to call Manny for assistance. Oh, and um–he’s white. Here we have the dumb white guy stereotype. Manny is always really nice to him, but there’s a lot of sidebar eye rolling.

Silly Mr. Lopart, can't even paint without getting a bucket on his head. WTF?

You don’t believe me? Here are some of the wiser, more sage characters his grandfather Abuelito, the sweet old lady with a lizard, and of course all the hispanic school teachers.

And, of course the other white guy works in the video store. He just shows up when he feels like it.

Did I mention that he's Kelly's brother and always cock blocking Manny?

Now we get to the weird part. The magical realism. I think it’s important than when you have a fix-it handyman you should totally give him a drug problem. How else would you explain his talking tools?

Dude, those eyes are creeping me out.

Now that I know all there is to know about this show and its stereotypes, I bet you’re wondering if I will still let my child watch it?

You bet your ass I will. I want to know if Kelly and Manny end up together.

Have a Nice Day and Watch out for the Big Yellow Chicken.

I’d say this is NSFW, but um–it was on the Today show yesterday… so show your friends!

If the healthcare debate’s a little dry for your tastes… you just haven’t seen it auto-tuned. (It gets good about a minute in.)

Okay, so I just sat through the Grey’s Anatomy season finale, and I am about to spoil the heck out of it, so if you haven’t watched it… then don’t read any further!

You have been warned. Now… I can’t believe that Denny died… that was heartbreaking! Not to mention that guy has died on like a ton of shows this year! He is going to be known as that guy on TV who dies! I just don’t have time to sit down and devote two hours to a show anymore… I mean come on I have a blog to write. It was a good episode, and I was very happy to see Christina go to Burk’s side in the end… but sheesh it took her long enough! And, I don’t know about you, but I am totally over this whole Derek/Meredith thing. I was totally into it a couple of months ago, but I think they held out too long, and that was such a silly way to end the season. With the triangle thing… I mean sheesh… that isn’t even a cliffhanger… Denny should have been the cliffhanger… he is the reason we have all been watching the show lately, definitely not Meredith. We all stopped caring about her the second she did her thing with George.

Okay I just realized that I have now spent precious minutes of my life ranting about Grey’s Anatomy. So I think I am gonna go on ahead and stop now…